Personal Reflections from Made to Crave, chap 6

Denying myself to get closer to God...not something I am particularly good at. I'm a very indulgent person. If it's something I or someone I love wants, my answer is nearly is always, "Yes! Let's do it!" and believe me, I will find a way to justify it! On the rare occasions I do resist temptation and deny myself whatever it is I am wanting, I find myself very susceptible to self-righteousness. 

I know God has me on a journey of discipline...reading 7, joining Hello Mornings, Weight Watchers...and I do believe He is honored when we make choices based on wisdom rather than self-indulgence. Someone once told me that your house/car/whatever is a reflection of your state of mind. To one extent I see that as true. The more self-indulgent and disorganized my spirit is, the less attention I focus on my little corners of the world. When I put first things first, I am better able to stay on top of things, keeping them well ordered, which in turn gives our souls room to breathe and experience beauty. 

The Holy Spirit does give me counsel when it comes to food choices. I am ashamed to admit that I am well practiced in ignoring him. In fact sometimes I won't even allow myself to ask the question because I already know what answer he'll give me, and I don't want to hear it!  That is where stubbornness and self-indulgence (wow - can we say word of the day??) win out and why I understand that this whole food issue is very much a more spiritual journey than anything else.

My lack of discipline and self control in matters of food has created a weight problem. As a result, I am uncomfortable and self conscious in my skin. So I don't pursue art with my whole heart. I'm embarrassed sometimes to even go out in public and my natural reservations and shyness are much worse, so opening my heart to new relationships is more difficult too. How can I build relationships in my community and focus on furthering the Kingdom when I am too embarrassed and focused on my own failings?

Much like my relationship to food, I think I am one of those Christians who is spiritually overfed! Lots of emphasis on taking in (Bible studies, books, sermons, etc.) and not nearly enough going out (serving, putting truth into practice, etc.). I would also say that I'm spiritually malnourished in the sense that I will take in the quick and easy candy coated "Christianese" sayings rather than spend time with the whole grain goodness of the Word. And I absolutely use food to fill my spiritual voids. When I am nervous or vulnerable or sad...break out the comfort food!