My cravings are niggling little things, like bees or fruit flies, that start in the back of my head and quietly and persistently work their way up until they are the at the center of my heart. While they are quiet I do my best to fight them back... I'm not hungry right now. I'd rather save those points for something later. If I wait patiently I can have more. That's not really what I want, it's just the sugar talking. I'm bored. If I can find something to do...
But as the buzzing continues and grows louder, my defenses turn into rationalizations... I really have earned a little treat. It wouldn't be so bad to eat this now, and I'll just have to be more careful later. It would be better to eat a little now than to deprive myself and eat a whole box later when I eventually give in, because you know I'm just going to give in! I'm so stressed out! I just need a little something to help me calm down and get my mind right!
If we weren't created with the ability to crave, how would we ever get anything accomplished? The reason we have a society of clock watchers and deadlines is because we need that external motivation to help us focus our abilities. But when that motivation comes from inside, the results are so much stronger. My cravings are clearly mismanaged; corrupted by sin so that instead of wholeheartedly pursuing God, I am pursuing anything and everything else.
I am tempted by my cravings (meeting physical desires outside of God's will). Even now with weight watchers, food is almost constantly on my mind. What can I fix everyone for dinner? Now that everyone has eaten and I'm alone, what can I eat to fill this void? What food will make the stress/boredom/unhappiness/etc go away?
I am tempted by the lust of my eyes (meeting material desires outside God's will). I want my own little house. I want fun, family vacations at Disney, or on cruise lines. I want to go shopping and to buy things - any things. I want my greatest concern to be how soft my toilet paper is. I want my husband to have a job that pays him enough so that we don't have to budget, we can just meet all our expenses and then have plenty of disposable income.
I am tempted by my boastings (meeting needs for significance outside of God's will). I love serving at church and writing the VBX dramas. I love my role with CYT and being room mom at my children's schools. But I would be lying if I didn't admit that there is a part of me that derives my own self worth through the successes and failures of those endeavors. I worry that if I am not involved, if I am not essential to those projects, then what am I?
I don't think any of these temptations are easy to resist, but cravings are forefront on my mind. I battle constantly with my desire for certain kinds of food. I am an emotional eater and a habitual eater (you can't sit down to play Mexican train without a cup of coffee! You can't sit down to watch a show without a snack!). I have used Scripture before, as part of my weak defenses (just before they turn into rationalizations). It doesn't work because I use them as a tool that I can pick up when I need it and put it down when I don't really want to be stopped. I'm not saturated in God's Truth, resting in His Love, and confident in the Knowledge that I matter to Him.
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