Reflections from Made to Crave: Chap 3

Plan-schman! I fly by the seat of my pants...go with the flow...I'm loose...easygoing... impulsive...indulgent...overwhelmed...

Yeah, the first thing I learned about myself when I had my third child was how very essential a good plan is. Without a plan in place, I literally run around the house like a chicken with my head cut off. It's a miserable way to live. Thinking things through and using my down time wisely not only make life easier, they give my soul room to actually be in the moment and to recognize the beauty and joy around me. I know it is the same with food, and a big part of why I joined WW to begin with. The system works when I know how I'm spending my points, when I know what (and when) I'm cooking for dinner, when I have a list to buy from at the grocery store. 

But I also need flexibility. I need the freedom to look in the refrigerator/pantry and say, "I'm really not hungry for xyz...let's have this instead." Which is why menu planning and grocery shopping have always been so difficult for me to do. It's hard to plan ahead when you don't know how you'll be feeling or what you'll be hungry for!

I think I've got a decent rhythm going right now. I keep three to four variations of breakfast and lunch on hand (it's basically all different forms of cereal, and for lunch it's crackers with peanut butter/cheese with whatever fruit and veggies we have on hand. Simple and easy to keep around.). Then I plan three to four days of dinners, based on the week's schedule. Knowing what I have on hand and having several options, I can decide what's for dinner that day, but have the flexibility to change it should the need (or mood) arise! This also means I'm only going to the store twice a week which is very manageable. 

I made an important realization in my second week of WW. When I "cheat", the only person I'm cheating on is me. The Points Plus program is very simple and everything...EVERYTHING is allowed. You just have to count and track the points. So I would eat something and then think, Well, I'm just not going to track this. Then was immediately chastised by myself thinking, Why? So you'll be surprised when you don't loose this week? You are the only one in this! It is your body - your pounds - your choice! No one is going to look over your tracker and judge your choices. But your body will not keep your secrets for long!

Choosing a healthy eating plan has been a very long journey for me, and I am easily overwhelmed. One of the key reasons I chose WW, after having done it and many other programs in the past (with varying degrees of success!) is that I'm not only interested in loosing weight. I want to change the way I think and feel about food. I want to make fruit and vegetables the star of our meals, with healthy grains, lean meats, and limited dairy playing supporting roles. The points plus program gives me the freedom to experiment, resources to explore, and accountability to lose weight while I'm learning. 

Personal Reflections from "Made to Crave" Chap 1

My cravings are niggling little things, like bees or fruit flies, that start in the back of my head and quietly and persistently work their way up until they are the at the center of my heart. While they are quiet I do my best to fight them back... I'm not hungry right now. I'd rather save those points for something later. If I wait patiently I can have more. That's not really what I want, it's just the sugar talking. I'm bored. If I can find something to do...

But as the buzzing continues and grows louder, my defenses turn into rationalizations... I really have earned a little treat. It wouldn't be so bad to eat this now, and I'll just have to be more careful later. It would be better to eat a little now than to deprive myself and eat a whole box later when I eventually give in, because you know I'm just going to give in! I'm so stressed out! I just need a little something to help me calm down and get my mind right!

If we weren't created with the ability to crave, how would we ever get anything accomplished? The reason we have a society of clock watchers and deadlines is because we need that external motivation to help us focus our abilities. But when that motivation comes from inside, the results are so much stronger. My cravings are clearly mismanaged; corrupted by sin so that instead of wholeheartedly pursuing God, I am pursuing anything and everything else. 

I am tempted by my cravings (meeting physical desires outside of God's will). Even now with weight watchers, food is almost constantly on my mind. What can I fix everyone for dinner? Now that everyone has eaten and I'm alone, what can I eat to fill this void? What food will make the stress/boredom/unhappiness/etc go away?

I am tempted by the lust of my eyes (meeting material desires outside God's will). I want my own little house. I want fun, family vacations at Disney, or on cruise lines. I want to go shopping and to buy things - any things. I want my greatest concern to be how soft my toilet paper is. I want my husband to have a job that pays him enough so that we don't have to budget, we can just meet all our expenses and then have plenty of disposable income. 

I am tempted by my boastings (meeting needs for significance outside of God's will). I love serving at church and writing the VBX dramas. I love my role with CYT and being room mom at my children's schools. But I would be lying if I didn't admit that there is a part of me that derives my own self worth through the successes and failures of those endeavors. I worry that if I am not involved, if I am not essential to those projects, then what am I?

I don't think any of these temptations are easy to resist, but cravings are forefront on my mind. I battle constantly with my desire for certain kinds of food. I am an emotional eater and a habitual eater (you can't sit down to play Mexican train without a cup of coffee! You can't sit down to watch a show without a snack!). I have used Scripture before, as part of my weak defenses (just before they turn into rationalizations). It doesn't work because I use them as a tool that I can pick up when I need it and put it down when I don't really want to be stopped. I'm not saturated in God's Truth, resting in His Love, and confident in the Knowledge that I matter to Him. 

Evening Evaluation

The nights are the hardest. I mean, I understand, I'm working to change a lifetime of bad habits and poor thinking so challenging hardly describes it. But unfortunately my arsenal of tricks and coping mechanisms I use to get through the day do not work at night. It's when the kids have gone to bed and the chores are done that I start to feel very snacky.

It's not even about the food as much as it is about the ritual. I try to save 4 or 5 points for the end of the day, but it's not really what I'm after. Wow, it's a little sad to think this through and admit it in my blog, but there it is. It's not the cookie I want, it's how many cookies can I say before I get sick? It's not the crunch of the chip, but the feeling of eating as much as I want because I can.

I'm going to stick to my points. I'm also going to read Made to Crave and see if I can get a bead on the why behind my nightly binges. Ma e I'll make it my Hello Mornings Challenge study.

As for exercise, I'm putting the walking on hold and focusing on knee strengthening. Maybe water aerobics if I can work out the logistics of getting to the pool!

I Wish

I wish I didn't hurt. I wish I could walk for 15 minutes at the mall and not have a sore knee the next day. I wish I could sit in a chair for a few minutes and not ache when I got back up. I wish I wasn't so physically exhausted by the time bedtime came around. I wish my pants fit comfortably and that my closet and drawers were filled with shirts that I actually enjoy wearing. I wish I liked being in pictures and videos. I wish I was comfortable in my own skin. I wish.

Back on Track!

Happy and successful - that is me this morning! Getting out the door was a little rocky (still have some bugs to work out there. *SIGH*). But then I got the babies to the mall for a nice training walk. We walked a solid 15 minutes and both babies were so quiet and patient in their stroller that I was able to let my mind wander over some of the things God has been revealing to me (more on that when I'm done marinating!). Later I weighed in and found that I lost about 7 pounds in my first week of Weight Watchers! Success is sweet!

cheater, cheater, ANYTHING eater!

I just want a snack!!!!!

It's late and I want a little something to munch on. The problem is, it's not just now. I watched myself carefully today and noticed that any moment I had down time, my first thought was to go for food. I think this comes as a result of my current situation as mommy to three little ones. I just don't feel like I ever have time to stop and fix myself something, let alone sit down and eat it. And getting the family together for a meal??? Yeah right!! Ray doesn't get home until 6:30, and Grayson is finished inhaling his meal before I've got Brooklyn's plate fixed!!

So while I sit here, discouraged and longing for the comfort of a snack, I need to remind myself of somethings.

1. Preparation is key. It is essential. It is the lifeblood of my efforts to change my habits. Note that I said preparation, not simply planning. As in, pack the lunch, cut the veggies, measure out the crackers or hummus, or peanut butter, so that it's ready and available when downtime strikes. 
2. The beautiful image I have in my head of the family sitting together and enjoying a perfectly cooked meal of good, healthy, delicious food may not be anywhere close to reality now, but it is a possibility for the future. This is a unique season in our life. As long as we keep the goal in mind, we''ll get there eventually!
3. Tomorrow is a new day. 

Lesson Acknowledged

Here are some things that I learned today. 

1. Puppies and toddlers do not mix. Toddlers think of puppies as toys and puppies think of toddlers as chew toys. 
2. If you do find yourself the only adult in a home with a puppy, a baby, a toddler, a neurotic dog, and a six year old, don't plan on getting anything done! I managed to make a dish of baked oatmeal, get dinner in the crock pot, and eventually clean up the kitchen, but it was a very stressful day. 
3. If it absolutely must be done that day, do it the night before. 
4. If you want to stay on track with your eating plan when hunger and pressure strike at the same time, pack your lunch ahead of time. 
5. I am a muncher; a grazer; and above all a stress eater! Sipping a Diet Coke, a very unhealthy vice, I know, helps me beat those cravings. One step at a time.

An Ideal Morning

On our last morning of vacation, Grayson is sleeping in (thanks to his 5 am wake up call), so things are very quiet, I am pondering what my ideal morning looks like and what baby steps I can take to get there. 

Last fall I participated in an online group called the Hello Mornings Challenge. It was thirteen weeks of purposefully getting up before my kids to spend time with the Lord, exercise, and plan my day. I connected with some amazing women who share my desire to give my time to the Lord and my struggles with a comfy bed, allergies, illness, babies, and all the other things that keep us down. It was a great experience, and it taught me more than I can cover in this blog alone. The winter session begins again on January 28th, but I have already been in touch with my group as we are preparing even now to make those positive changes to our mornings. 

My ideal morning, in this season of my life would look something like this:

• 5:00 AM Prayer & Scripture
• 5:45 AM  Shower and Dress
• 6:15 AM Planning the Day
• 6:45 AM Feed Madi/Breakfast with Ray
• 7:00 AM  Get Brooklyn up
• 7:15 AM Get Grayson up
• 7:45 AM Out the door! 

I have not included exercise in the morning routine because I think I have found an ideal time to fit a walk in about four times a week, later in the morning. I also know that Madi won't always need such an early morning breakfast, so this is definitely an ideal for this season only.

I think my baby step during this challenge will be to master getting up at 6. So my morning will look like this:

• 6 AM Dress
• 6:15 Prayer and Scripture
• 6:30 Planning
• 6:45 Breakfast with Madi & Ray
• 7:00 Get Brooklyn up
• 7:15 Get Grayson up
• 7:30 Breakfast for kids
• 7:45 Out the door! 

Well, something like that! ;0)

 

A Hurdle Encountered

My sister, my husband and I joined Weight Watchers Online yesterday. Cliche? Yeah, maybe a little. But also a step we all felt necessary to act upon. 

I already know the importance of having the right foods in the house and accessible. Especially with a baby, a toddler, and a six year old running around and eating non stop from morning till night! When chaos rules the roost (even a carefully managed chaos as I like to think mine is), it's important to have things planned out and readily available so good choices can be made under pressure. 

I planned my menu for the week. I wrote out my grocery list. I loaded my kids into the car and headed for the store. That was my mistake. A cranky, demanding toddler does not an easy shopping trip make!

Things will get easier (repeat, take a breath, make a good choice, repeat again!).

For now, as I am learning what brands are best and where they are located in the store, I need to plan my big shopping trips by myself. I also need to start tracking the brands we use in our favorite recipes, and use that when I make up my list. It's easier to rush through the store if I know exactly what I'm looking for (ie "Dreamfield's Elbow Macaroni" instead of just "noodles"). 

The magnitude of this job, the discipline and planning required to make it work exhausts me. It's part of why I've failed in the past. It's so much easier to grab a box of Kraft Mac and cheese. But that's not what I want, for me or my kids. That's what I need to remember when I get overwhelmed by the details and encounter unexpected obstacles. Making the right choice takes a little more time, and I'm going to have to give myself time to get used to using the tools. But it's worth it. And it will get easier.